A most hated question


A most hated question

Unconsciously, there have become certain things about every day, what seems to me, a mundane life, which I have come to resent… and the worst of these are ‘niceties of society’.

What I mean by that is I feel our society has fallen into certain habits of social formalities that we rarely stop to take in what they actually mean…

One of these that have actually cut me to the core is a simple, common, everyday question – How are you.

In my experience, we usually have one of three answers to this question:

I am well thanks and yourself – implying that you are in fact well, you are happy and maybe even to some extent content in your life.

I am okay – implying that things could be better, but they could also be worse.

And on the rare and honest occasion you might get the: I am doing bad answer – implying that things are, well, just that, bad.

How are you has become a question that I truly hate, simple because I do not have an easy answer anymore. At any moment in time in my life there are at least two different ways I could be feeling all at once.

I try, every moment of every day to find the beauty in the world and in my life and at times I accomplish finding that feeling of happiness. I want to be happy again, I want my take on life to be truly optimistic again, so I work for it, I strive for it, I search for it, within myself and out there…

There is however one thing I need you to understand about being happy as a parent to a stillborn child, no matter how much I strive to be happy, I am also always sad. Some days more than others, but one or another form of sadness is always present in my life.

I am not cynical, not in the least; this is just a horrible reality of my life…

Grieving changes over time and certain things do get easier, but let me make one thing crystal clear; you never get over the death of your child. Things don’t get better, they merely become different.

I have hope, oh, so much hope for the future and I have plans, and I smile and I laugh, but I cry and I am sad and I am all of this, all at once.

I do however not have an alternative to how are you, but if you truly want to know the answer, I am all off the above…


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